Messy Scribbles & Dirty Thoughts

Winter hopeful

2012-01-24T22:57:00.002Z

In the rain

A droplet hints and glints

Of a summer in blaze

Of hope

Of days

Of love where happiness plays

And every word

Every phrase

Hints and glints

At the sound of your name

Out of the cold

2012-01-18T08:38:00.003Z

On its limbs

Lie stubborn leaves

Of autumn past

And from within

These winter scenes

In wistful airs-

A springtime gasp

Storyteller

2012-01-17T23:26:00.002Z

You think those hands are empty

But each night

They fashion dreams

From the darkest of places

In an effort to live

On the simplest of worlds

Scarborough beach

2012-01-15T17:16:00.000Z

The east coast breeze

Stroked and teased your hair

And those blue eyes wide

As Princess fair sparkles

Warmth in a distant sun

And whilst there I find

That emptiness behind my stare

Has surrendered to your love

The humdrum of my existence-

Now finally lit up

On this bed I cast a net upon the stars

2011-12-13T23:53:00.000Z

On this bed I cast

A net upon the stars

Fashion poems from

This heart of mine

And oh, how they shine

How they love

How they line

The brilliant light

Still yet to come

On the wind

2011-11-29T22:11:00.001Z

I fought with sleep

And pillows

Sheets and feathered meadows

Searching for you

And in the deep

I billow

Sweep the weathered petals

Release this tethered vessel

Dreaming

Of you

Let me dance

2011-11-27T20:57:00.001Z

The wind it sings

A soulful tune

Of love, romance

And emerald jewels

And beneath that sky

Of green and blues

I’ll hold your hand

And dance with you

Through the rain we’d slip

And bend with hue

Blend in the clouds

And eclipse the moon

The world is ours

Its stars are too

So let me dance

Entranced by you

Plant the seeds of purple tipped daisies

2011-11-24T14:09:00.001Z

If you will

Show the colours

Of my love

I will be

The winter sun

To warm the

Petals of your heart

Magpies

2011-11-20T17:59:00.001Z

The room feels

Cold and vacant

Though the light

Coats walls and floors

With shadows in the

Home of familiar ghosts

His heart, half empty

Hangs heavy with absence

And from the window

The only sounds

Are magpies he counts

With the breath he saved

For under your tongue

Lay me down in the wind

2011-11-14T08:38:00.001Z

Lay me down

In the wind

And tomorrow

I’ll blow in

From the sea

When we

Squeezed memories

In orchards piled

With lemon trees

When summer highs

Found butterflies

In that smile

And I’ll paint

For you

A picture

For hibernating

Winters

Of warmer climbs

When fireflies

Marched in

Single file

Take me where I want to be

2011-11-09T09:47:00.002Z

I will warm your heart

With the morning sun

To burn away the shadow

Of the dying night

I would place you there this night

2011-11-01T23:40:00.001Z

If I could part the stars

I would place you there

This night and you would

Shelter in my gravity to

Dream the endless dreams

Of happy ever afters

Turning leaves you burn with reds and browns

2011-10-30T17:11:00.000Z

Turning leaves you burn

With reds and browns

On the ground you feed

And nurture branches as

Nature matches the fading

Sounds of summer while

Under covers we warm our

Lover with tangled limbs

Give in to each others whims

And watch the lowering lights

In autumn trees fall down

As we paint the turning leaves

With reds and browns

Photograph

2011-10-26T23:26:00.001+01:00

Don’t let the world forget

The art of the swallows’ flight at dusk

Or the wonder in a droplet of rain

Or a new Mother’s final struggle

Pushed in pain for innocence

Don’t let it have lost the mistakes

Of youth in all their magnificence

The hurt from absence or the magic of love

Don’t let it forget us as we half stumble,

Half crush the seconds from the minutes

In our rush to hold the days to ransom

Till at your feet they slowly gather dust

In the shadow sands play

2011-10-19T09:03:00.000+01:00

I count every grain in the shade

Of our lives freeze framed and

Each a second settled with time

From the tides of our love, and

From my outline I trace your name

Turn to face your sun and in the

Shadow sands play our games

As if all the world was hushed

E.M

2011-10-06T18:03:00.000+01:00

Do I belong

Beside your

Sleeping heart?

The days are

Falling hard and

I’m just amonster

In this room

Calling to themoon

The moon behind

These eyes left

Flickering tothe

Sound of your

Soul breathing

Can I believe

The morning will

Still come tofind

Me dreaming?

Of a home

A home insideyour love

I’m frightened of

The sun thatcreeps

Into the corners

Of a world

I built for you

And I was such a

Fool to think I’mcool

But this is how Ifeel

You set me free

Free to sail

These seas I’m

Sailing by

The stars you’re

Lighting up for

Me sweetheart I’m

Coming now foryou

When will be enough

2011-10-04T17:03:00.000+01:00

Perhaps you think

Too much on

Words and rhymes

In such times

When lines are crossed

And lovers

Once lost now touch

Sinking in hours elapsed

Making tracks

They push for miles and miles

But, where's the rush?

Stop your talk

Of 'how' and 'why'

Just rely on each other

For trust in this you must

As every day

Those questions gather dust

Till simply:

'When'

Will be enough

Wacky Warehouse

2011-09-05T13:26:00.000+01:00

Children play

Indiscriminately

Some timidly

Others fiercely

Whilst parents

Smiling tersely

Quietly dig moats

And polish their egos

With kids coats

The summer’s voice

2011-08-29T11:39:00.000+01:00

Autumn calls

It hums its song

The summer’s voice

Won’t last too long

And into view

The colours fade

On stubborn leaves

And dreams we made

And out to sea

The winter chills

Bide their time

With seagull shrills

As evenings dim

And sleeves unroll

We warm our hearts

With stories bold

Of friendships forged

And moments lost

Of lovers arms

And stars we’ve crossed

And though with time

Our shadows grown

I’ll shine a light

To guide you home

To listen softly

To the tales

Of summer’s voice

In vapour trails

Clicked

2011-08-27T15:30:00.000+01:00

In the

Warmth

Of your arms

The fear

Fell silent;

And smiled

And through the breath they fed you

2011-08-26T15:28:00.000+01:00

And through the breath they fed you

A smile was discovered at the corner

Of your lips

And though a delicate heart-

Each beat was counted

As it flowed through feet

And fingertips

And then to years and complex days

In growing pains that you so built

They speak in every well worn phrase

That stumbles out in that familiar lilt

They are the breath that fed you

Every burst of laughter and falling tear

Forgives

They are every precious thought-

Each feat encountered

Although time defeats

In you they live

Cheltenham racecourse 1941

2011-08-20T21:57:00.000+01:00

And though the years

Washed the colour

From her hair

And the struggles

Bled life from her skin

Though he did not understand-

Fully appreciate

The fears she hid in her smile

And the laughter drowned out

Her wavering resolve

For fifty-eight years

He cradled her heart

In his hands

And in this trust-

She gladly revolved

For Annis

And from the dust

2011-08-14T08:25:00.000+01:00

I turn the sheets

Of fading lines

And chapters closed

And from the dust

I write this time

In messy ink all shaky bold

The word ‘Unknown’

And leave the page

For someone else

To rhyme their

Steps with mine

Of stories yet untold

You

2011-07-27T11:33:00.000+01:00

I found these words

This morning

On my pillow

As if my thoughts

Had spilled

From my dreams

Like the morning

Rays had played

With shadows

Each letter as warm

As the sun

Pressed to my hand

Urging me forward

As would a flower

Towards the light

An unquenched thirst

2011-07-24T20:36:00.000+01:00

There brick by brick

You laid your walls

Made a home-

A prison coarse

Of love in its

Primitive abode

Till fear alone left

An unquenched thirst

From that brightest sun

Still hope instilled first

Desire then brick by brick

A path unknown or walked

For you somewhere-

A someone

Summer don’t make this our last night of dreaming

2011-07-18T23:45:00.000+01:00

Summer don’t make this

Our last night of dreaming

There are worlds still left to be seen

For Police and Politicians capers

Making ammunition from yesterdays papers

Are writing stories we don’t want to believe

If there is a way for me and you-

It’s from picking out words

We know to be true

And holding on to all that they mean

Summer don’t make this

Our last night of dreaming

There are worlds still left to be seen

Remember back

2011-07-16T17:47:00.000+01:00

Remember back

To a summer day on Dovedale’s tracks

And sweaty cheese and Spider Man flask

Knowing ‘no fizzy pop’- but had to ask

Of memories and harsh reproaches

Of bumpy rides

On seventies coaches

Of never wanting to be last

And wishing I was the oldest

Those teachers’ names

Now long forgotten

The 10p mix-

I never reached the bottom of

‘No chewing gum’ she said

Those weary feet tread to Lovers Leap

And tales of Romeo and Juliet

I never really understood

For girls were poo and no good

Remember back

To stepping stones so worn and cracked

Now so are hands

Once brought to task

For tissues and tying laces

Now bring issues and lines on faces

With smiles as masks

To witness changes

Caught up in time so fast

Foundation of my dreams

2011-07-13T11:44:00.002+01:00

If I could take anything

It would be the mountains

Erstwhile glory of the deep

Silent protector as I sleep

Foundation of my dreams

The heart a sleeping lion

2011-07-06T23:28:00.000+01:00

The heart a sleeping lion

And it purrs

Curled tight around you

Against the world

In the half wake, half light

Of secrets and promises

It does its worst

With half saved, half right

Weakness and novelty

It can hurt

But tonight the heart

A sleeping lion

And it purrs

I’ll win without losing me

2011-07-02T11:43:00.000+01:00

I will crawl where I need to be

Because I can't fall

When I’m down on my knees

And when tomorrow

Blows its breath in the wind

I'll begin:

And I’ll win without losing me

Feed me letters because I can’t find the words

2011-06-29T23:55:00.000+01:00

What is love other than standing

Naked upon some darkened precipice

Screaming ‘pick me! Pick me!’

Knowing that at any second

There may well be a push

Well I’m too proud to admit I’m scared

Too scared to admit I'm proud to hold your hand

But here I stand

Seeds

2011-06-26T22:04:00.000+01:00

How I long for your eyes to reflect mine

To find me some words to sow in this earth

To grow me some time

I belong in your eyes please accept I’m

Aligned to your thirst and dry from the hurt

Let’s water our lives

Wishful thinking

2011-06-19T00:42:00.000+01:00

Throw me to the wind

I just don't know

What to do with myself

Where to begin? Not here:

Just throw me to the wind

Let it find me somewhere else

The last leaves of autumn

2011-06-15T23:11:00.000+01:00

Don’t dress me with stories

Kiss me with truth, my love

I hear it hidden under your breath

Don’t let it drown me in waves

I can’t float on what’s left-

Clinging to the days

When the minutes weren’t such a mess

For we are the last leaves of autumn

And our lives so delicate

Letters from the lonely night

2011-05-31T23:44:00.000+01:00

Hello you,

It has been a while since I thought of you; been a while since I let myself I guess. My mind a mess and scribbled down in words to make some sense, till my mood improves.

Do you think back to that late June and all those words never said; never needed to? When the world seemed ours and new if we could just lie still for hours and watch the moon bounce across the lake.

But instead I’m thinking of your neck and the curve of your breasts as we paused before our last embrace. And the bittersweet regret that I forget the scent of your perfume but can still see those smiling eyes from that moonlit night curfew.

I sit to write of that which I can’t replace, to picture your face and the thrill of the chase I still keep running.

I hope today finds you smiling.

Matthew (ever loving) x

Dancing star

2011-05-29T01:00:00.001+01:00

I know you’re broken
Your eyes tell me so
And I can’t fix you
And all those ‘issues’
Weigh heavy on those shoulders

I see it sometimes in your smile
The lines fine around your lips
Hands on hips we’ve danced
For miles and miles

Never really knowing-
Where we’re going

But you’ve loved me
God knows why-

And all I can really do
Is try a little harder

To see what time we have left
Is like counting every raindrop
Without getting wet

It doesn’t make us smarter
More equipped or worthwhile
So lets just chance-
Hands on hips and dance
For miles and miles

Let it hold

2011-05-24T23:20:00.000+01:00

All been said before, I know
Yet it grows
It burns a golden flame
In what remains
Resplendent in explanation
Of our conversations terrain
But if one word could slip
Its way against the grain
If its letters could float and sway
Flipped high upon the winds and rain
Let it be hope
Let it stay; let it stick
Against your name:
Let it hold

Save the world inside my heart

2011-05-22T23:24:00.001+01:00

If only you
Had saved the world
Inside my heart
We wouldn’t worry
About tomorrow

Here we will walk on stars

2011-04-16T23:21:00.000+01:00

Though our minds are bound with barbed wire

Our hearts still dream;

And here we will walk on stars

Still the fevered night

2010-10-03T23:50:00.000+01:00

To lie, awake and unmoving
On this ephemeral line
Chastised by thoughts
Believed forgotten
To travel with shadows
Teased by wind and clouds
To your house, your bed,
Your body- my home
To legs and arms fighting sheets
And troubled sighs
Till, sliding I weave my skin
With yours and still the fevered night
Your heart breathes silent now
And I return to dream alone
Of how I wished I’d kissed your mouth

No more love songs

2010-08-05T23:09:00.000+01:00

No more love songs, no more rain
To moisten the petals of her beauty

No more words to burst as stars
To sprinkle on her sleeping form

No more my soul to brighten hers
Though the sunset beckons me

No more for the path is lost and
The wind cold and empty of her voice

No more pen to paper, as if a finger
Gentle across the plain, a butterfly

Hungry to feed of her flower
No more love songs, no more blame

No more the hope of spring bringing
Summers heat scratching at the door

No more autumns colour to warm
The emptiness of our winters

The sun has fallen on our days
The air thin to silent conversations

No more love songs, no more to sing
Seasons in mist and memories to dirt

Here I will plant your heart

Who will light the stars

2010-07-09T22:16:00.000+01:00

For all us singletons
Us, meal for ones
Come undone comedy reruns
There is more than this

Amiss in the ‘coupled world’
We have hurled, head first through
Break ups, shake ups:
The movers and the non-movers
The Mother figures and the abusers
We, have done them all

Fucked when we should have ‘made love’
Stroked when a little rough would
Have been enough
Masturbated, exasperated, tweaked
And calibrated and STILL rubbed up;
The wrong way

And when lying there in the dead
Of night we have dreamed
Of finding someone
Who will light the stars
We make a wish:
There is more than this

But still; nothing yet so far

Are we then doomed to sit at home
Writing poems; tired of knowing
That we are growing alone?
NO:
There is more than this

There is music, there is art
There are friends who right this moment,
Are far less solvent than you are
So- light their stars
Paint their world blues and pinks
Think of all the times you have missed
Being there for them

So lend a hand, lend two when you can
Put down this pen
Else these words count for nothing
And what then?

The thirty year gamble

2010-07-03T14:17:00.000+01:00

Our love is unconventional
Our bodies’ miles apart
We skirt around unquenchable
With a hunger in our hearts
The path is long forgotten
And our feet have lost their way
Connection thin as cotton
Now that thread has come away
And, I know we should have talked
But, we wouldn’t listen anyway

We’ll have abstract conversation
Since the kids have flown the nest
Our cause for consternation
Is anybodies’ guess
So Happy Anniversary
My Darling, here’s to us
Through all the years adversity
There’s one thing we can trust
I wouldn’t live without you
It’s Vegas love; or bust

I’m sorry

2010-06-06T23:31:00.000+01:00

You gaze up
Wounded by the sun
And I feint to kiss
Those lips hounded
By my words and years
But never reach

We drown in such sad smiles
Far out at sea

Here I dream of you
In shipwrecked rust
And these lips
That never touch
Just simply
Graze your cheek

Too late for fairytales

2010-05-29T16:29:00.000+01:00

What do you
Really know of me?
Why won’t you
Let go of me;
There’s nothing left to take-

Where’s the sense
In holding on together
There’s no such love forever;
Just mistakes
It’s too late for fairytales

Decorate your soul

2010-05-23T09:46:00.000+01:00

It seems we left
The words we meant
Now our silence
Sticks like glue
So please save your breath
The world I dreamt
Still lives inside of you

This England

2010-05-11T23:26:00.000+01:00

Suit and ties never walked these shoes
Or towed the line of servitude
Just tie the binds of drug abuse
The methadone that lights the fuse
The many lies of fortitude
The shaky cross the vote we choose-
So what’s the use?

That devil smile so plain to see
The soldier toys can’t wait to bleed
Their innocence on dated means
Bullet boys with palms to feed
Shallow prayers in cemeteries
The TV tells us what we need-
Do you believe?

This England daubed in red and white
Is black and blue in bruised sunlight
Breeze block licked to dizzy heights
And photo shopped in package flights
The drunken smear of warm respite-
To sleep tonight

Hope and glory killed a man
Who stole a ride to promised lands
Story born we raise a hand
To savages in council prams
Councillors never gave a damn
Pile them high like slaughtered lambs-
The great I am

This England sings:
That we are free
Empire bred on make believe
Godless liars with tails to wag
Lifeless eyes under Union Flags
This England brings
A hope to flee:
Electorate fed on broken dreams
Godless liars with tails to wag
Lifeless eyes under Union Flags

Sweet dreams

2010-05-06T23:46:00.000+01:00

Quiet now…

Steady my hand with yours

To cradle my heart

Remembering

2010-05-03T09:33:00.000+01:00

The unflinching line of love
And the knots-
Where she loved me too

Morning Star

2010-04-07T23:31:00.000+01:00

Offer resistance tonight
Tomorrow is ours to fly

Beseech the turning tide

2010-03-29T20:52:00.000+01:00

You can talk of life
But you won’t kiss when we’re alone

Love’s fading winter light
So now wisdoms left me cold

On slowly creeps the night
My message leaves these shores

Dream that you’ll be mine
But your heart is not on board

I shout that we’ll be fine
But my whispers aren’t so sure

A speech just so sublime
A fight without a cause
Beseech the turning tide
Almighty in its force

I can walk the line
But who will catch me if I fall?

Lost in stars so bright
There’s no atmosphere at all

And I can’t read your mind
And my questions start to bore

I’m running out of time
Still my feet won’t leave the floor

I smile so I can hide
In your eyes I drink remorse

You teach to love remind
No light without a torch
Beseech the turning tide
Almighty in its force

Swell

2010-03-17T23:33:00.000Z

My heart
Is the tide
Against you it breaks;
So smile

Fragrance

2010-03-06T23:47:00.000Z

Love worn linen
Tired mind holding:
Nothing

Focusing
On noticing
Her fragrance

Delicate
Yet blatant
Against his skin

White rose

2010-02-28T22:54:00.000Z

Lit with candles we sit
Speak talk small and sip
Coffee and tea-
Sugar refined
Sweet white rose
You shine
And every word a petal
Soft against the metal
Of my rusted heart

Better left unsaid

2010-02-16T22:54:00.000Z

She falls
Sleeping grace
In our hearts

Better left unsaid
Things meant
Forever lost

I feel it all like this

2010-02-07T00:57:00.000Z

I’ll place upon your lips
Fragile words:
My world

Feather soft with fingertips
My story fault-full
And absurd

Faithful yet-
Each breath was never heard
I feel it all like this

Your world; my earth
Your hurt, my hurt
Let me plant my kiss

Let me slide that curve
That sacred bliss
That love is worth

Yearn for me and give
Hold your nerve
Tongue tied I slip-

My fragile words

It’s not simple anymore

2010-02-03T00:03:00.000Z

With dawn love seems
Long lost forgotten
But as night breaks the day
Your will thin spun like cotton-
Snaps tangled where it’s lay
Hidden in your chest;
And still remains

Paper cuts

2010-01-31T10:11:00.000Z

A heart made of paper
A stapler holds the rips
Where you slipped a pen
And then-
Wrote your name

Little secret

2010-01-25T20:14:00.000Z

I’ve loved you little secret (loved you through and through)
And I’ll always have a smile that needs to be with you
To love you is my weakness (for love will be my doom)
That I’ve held upon my breath to save a life for you

Trembling hands to hold you

2010-01-17T22:46:00.000Z

Soft your skin
Once was but now
That very end of everything
A goodbye stretched thin
And if listened to
Never realised-
Never finished

My beautiful day

2009-11-11T23:31:00.000Z

Let there be once you believe me
Earnest my heart and words
Temper your fears and thoughts

Make this day be mine to be
Ever yours

Bullet proof

2009-11-10T22:42:00.000Z

I would like
To sing to you
With fingertips
And whispered lips
Where lovers slip
With heartbeat flips
And make you feel-
Bullet proof

The phone call

2009-11-02T22:27:00.000Z

Held within your words
Embraced with each and every syllable
I climb our conversation
Breathe everything I’ve heard
Become less individual
And I veer and I sway
Until ‘Goodbye’ fills the empty air
Builds a full stop with bullish dare
That knocks me down
I lie in letters of fear and misinformation
With nothing to say/no other sound
To ease my situation
And too late I say it
The wait that now betrays my love
‘I miss you’
I miss us

Forever in the clouds

2009-10-24T13:33:00.000+01:00

I can’t stand and talk
Wrapped in pretence
Flavour tasteless dialogue
With secret spice
In hidden greetings
I want you now
I want forever in the clouds
I want this moment
Sealed beneath our skin
Before we are lost
Before we are akin
To ghosts of frost
In silent meetings

Bare

2009-10-13T23:35:00.000+01:00

Let me slip my fears from round your shoulders

Oceans

2009-10-12T18:12:00.000+01:00

I found love
It turned on me
It pulled me down
And out of reach
In the sun
My burnt belief
I built a dream
To hide beneath

Wish you were-
Down by the sea
Throw your wishes
And watch for me
Down by the sea

I have you
A ghost in need
I wear the scars
No other sees
Take the pills
To make it seem
I’m over you
Still I can’t leave

Wish you were-
Down by the sea
To dig your hole
And wait for me
Down by the sea

Jump into
The ocean free
To drown these thoughts
And wash me clean
Say the words
Our final scene
To sail this ship
In eyes of green

Wish you were-
Down by the sea
Wish you were-
Down by the sea

Everything’s okay

2009-10-06T23:46:00.000+01:00

I lie still to make sense of it all
How it hurts to hurt you
Without meaning to
I’d open my mouth to say
How to kiss you is how to know you
But it’s much too late for that
Einaudi plays on
And between the notes I hear the rain
And I think of you
Camouflaged in smiles and conversations

If you could shake me from your head you would
You tug your hair as if by will alone I’d die
And a part of me does inside
Whilst a part takes hope
That you could feel some pleasure from my pain
And as this strength transcends the melody
The phone announces your text
Everything’s okay
And I know you’re gone
And my wish falls dead in front of me

Idiot hope

2009-10-05T22:28:00.000+01:00

I climbed the mountain
Almost held the sun but then
Fed the avalanche

Complicated

2009-09-19T21:44:00.000+01:00

It seems
I’ve been saving for myself
Because there’s no one else
To lend a hand
My hand
I’ve fashioned to a gun
The bullets will not come
To shed a tear
My tears
I’ve cried too many times
No pardon to my crimes
That I deserve

So, tell me, please
Where else can I bleed?
What’s left to believe?
For me and you

So long
Been standing in the cold
Decaying with the soul
Of younger dreams
My dreams
I’ve buried in the dirt
And planted with the words
I cannot say
We say
Too much of not enough
There is no more to love
That I can take

So, tell me please
Where else can I bleed?
What’s left to believe?
For me and you
So, help me, please
Where else can I breathe?
What else do we need?
For me and you

Let our hearts run away to the sea

2009-09-17T23:01:00.000+01:00

With you I hold my breath
Lost for words there’s nothing left
But ‘I love you, you’re beautiful’
There’s no one else
Who even comes close

And when you’re far away
No one knows
How the seconds feel like days
And so I say
‘I love you, you’re beautiful’
Whispered high to open windows
Every time I escape from keeping busy

It’s not easy to be me;
Without you
These arms are yours to throw around you
These hands to frame your face
Thank your skin that they found you
‘I love you, you’re beautiful’

And with my heart in my mouth
Skipping beats
I murmur, repeat;
‘I love you, you’re beautiful’
Let our hearts run away
To the sea

Let you be free
To smile and shake your head
At my silly words
Soppy
And wet
But every one of them meant:

‘I love you, you’re beautiful’

Long gone still here

2009-08-18T22:44:00.000+01:00

First light slips through curtains
Like teenage fingers
Fumbling,
Tumbling
Till later, bolder; it breaks the night

I turn my head to the left
To unslept pillows where shadows crept
‘You’re gone’ I said
As if words obvious
Would startle birds from the roofs

And as the months left
Turned to years
I kept a new emptiness
A longing swept here, in my chest
But not for you

For a touch
A tingle of lust on sagging breasts
Old fool am I
But guilt of you cannot feed the loneliness
Or hold tired skin of aching age
The stubborn need that cannot rest-
To feel whole again

‘You should get out more’
My children say
But coming home to where nothing lay
Kept me in
Your wedding ring lies unmoved

I do not sit and weep
For time so steep
To slide our love first bloom

Long gone
Still here
Makes a home in this room

Last light fades on curtains
Like a lovers scent
Mumbling,
Stumbling
Till later, colder; it takes the night

Boy

2009-03-16T23:18:00.000Z

Though dust
Though time
Though feet run
As if words a knife

Who am I?

2009-03-09T19:41:00.000Z

I’ll dress in a suit and tie
Just to look more important than I
Could ever want to be
And I’ll knot my ego round your throat
To tow the corporate line

The office desk filled with dreams
Filed on letters never seen
They slowly slipped my mind
Who am I?

Paper towers block the sky
Standing on the edge of reasons why
I’ll never want to see
And then I post-it note my hope
To show I’m still alive

The office desk filled with dreams
Filed on letters never seen
They slowly slipped my mind
Who am I?

Burn red

2009-03-08T00:12:00.000Z

I thought
I had grown smarter
Found answers with age
Direction
Through experience
But really
I had just given it a name
Still the fear crackles and glows
Burn red
In mornings first cigarette

Don’t look back

2009-03-07T10:57:00.000Z

The crowds rustle and bustle
Faces painted on
From where they're running from
The sounds muscle and tussle
Jaded tainted hum
Made at the lucky ones
And I’m waiting at the station
Standing in the rain
For the kiss that never comes
The fading expectation
Landing on the train
Where you sit forever gone
My wish for you is strong-
Don’t look back

The answer

2009-03-07T00:27:00.000Z

I will steal a glance
To count every goose bump

And the rise and fall
Rise and fall
Rise and fall of breath
That screams, that begs:

What next?

Butterflies

2009-02-28T09:57:00.000Z

I could win the lottery, well
Maybe
But honestly?
That wouldn't mean a lot to me
Nor famous, even if models
With sexual favours
Bought me complaints
From my neighbours
For all the moaning
Because when I’m holding you
There is nothing more exquisite
Than knowing you, and only you
Could give me butterflies
And I miss it
My god where is it?
Where are you?

Anywhere but here

2009-02-12T00:35:00.000Z

Too many
Dream of
Being anywhere
But here

How busy
The night
How lonely
The few

A prayer for the morning

2009-01-28T20:37:00.000Z

When I close my eyes to sleep
I wonder if I’ll see the morning
I do not think of heaven
Yet angels shake their heads
Sad at all I’ve missed, all I’ve ignored
And the fear takes me
That today I did not manage, even the simple things:
Smiled at you, said thank you; listened
I want to be there beside you
Tell you ‘sorry’ for driving you mad
For standing puppy dog eyed
As if I’ve stained the carpet
For opening instead of closing
Closing instead of opening my mouth
For running before I can walk
And falling childlike at your feet
So sweet precious
If tomorrow is not mine to meet
I hope a day will come
When you read this and know
That you were my dreams each night
And I loved you

Forever yours

2009-01-06T23:17:00.000Z

Even when the storm clouds gather
I want you to know;
We will still kiss in the rain

Elegy (for Annis)

2009-01-03T00:47:00.000Z

Feel the sunlight
Creep in hallways
Make me real now
Hold your hands out
Miss you always
Where I am now

When the darkness
Fills my outline
Wash my thoughts out
Prise my eyes wide
To the sunshine
I will burn out

If I told you
How I’m feeling
Would you see how?
Sing me fables
Hidden meanings
Understand how

We all need to
Hold the night air
When we cry out
We will be fine
No more nightmares
Turn the lights out

I will sleep here
Till the morning
Hope you’re there now
When the day breaks
I am calling
Can you hear now?

Tell me where to go
Show me how to live
Tell me what you know
Show me what I’ve missed
Tell me of the midnights
Feeling so alone
I’ll tell you of the street lights
Guiding your way home

Driftwood

2008-12-19T23:36:00.000Z

These times are hard
You become hard
And I break against you
Splintered upon the rock

Breaking up – Making up

2008-12-04T22:28:00.000Z

I’m breaking up inside
I’m making up a life-
To live with you
I’m such a fool
And I can’t save the world-
It’s true

Renewal

2008-11-05T22:21:00.000Z

I’ll hold my breath
Wish me dead
Pray your lips
Bring me life again

Missing you

2008-09-28T22:24:00.000+01:00

This morning I found your scent
Had slept upon my skin
And my heart;
Silently exploded

I saved your words today

2008-09-22T23:18:00.000+01:00

Simple am I to you
But still I work away
Convinced of nothing else
I saved your words today
I know tomorrow brings
A bruise my heart can't take
I’ll kiss those words to you
But quick there moment fades
Please take them in your arms
And hold my heart you made
Convinced of nothing else
I saved your words today

Tease

2008-09-21T00:09:00.000+01:00

So close
I can almost taste you

A moan escapes your lips
Your skin awakes

When fingers slip
So close

So fucking close

The moral ground

2008-09-02T00:23:00.000+01:00

Sanctimonious sunset
Burn my skin
Melt my bones
Topple me from off this hill
Send me home

Heart

2008-08-07T00:30:00.000+01:00

I have to tell you
I'm not brave just simply true
And I give my all

The hopeless romantic

2008-07-30T00:35:00.000+01:00

The hazy morning
In last night’s clothes

I stop; what was missed?
Think of a kiss

That would say everything
Say: ‘I know’

When the minutes glowed
In the setting sun

And helped me think
I made a difference

For a moment, to someone
Then it’s gone

Where were you to hold?

2008-07-19T12:18:00.000+01:00

Hands dug deep in pockets
Sad memories curled round fingers
A ghost that cannot love me
Dances in my eyes

Weather you

2008-07-13T11:04:00.000+01:00

Oh give me, give me... Something to say
Some way of knowing, some way of growing
A big and bright, beautiful day
So give me the feed, I'll fire the punch line
Your smile should be sunshine
I'll kiss all your clouds away

What have I learnt of life except nothing?

2008-07-07T23:36:00.000+01:00

The clouds still cast
There shadow

The brilliant light
Of stars distant

Still amaze
My sorry heart

And love breaks
Bone on fucking bone

Cherry blossom waves

2008-05-07T21:29:00.000+01:00

The wind blows the day
Cherry blossom waves
Delicate as a snowflake

The old lovers

2008-05-06T23:39:00.000+01:00

My lonely ache
Made me fall completely
The life replaced
With something buried beneath me
It sang my name
Called me from the darkness
My bones remain
Now a cage for where my heart lived

Burnt from where we dared
Swallowed in the brightness
Hands not quite prepared
To hold me out of kindness
Still my dreams were sweet
Precious youth was mine
Days we used to meet
Are slowly lost to time

My love is laid
Gently in the daises
Our journey made
Softly whispered through the ages
So you return
Guide me through the darkness
My bones remain
Now a cage for where my heart lived

Treading water

2008-04-14T23:24:00.000+01:00

To be here
Yet know you’re going
Is to be in fear of the drowning wave
Yet powerless to reach the shore

Ghosts

2008-03-24T10:02:00.000Z

Why do you lie beside me
Hold my dreams; crush my heart?
Why do you persist
In showing me the unnecessary delights
Of the unattainable
Why when I wake do I yearn for you
Like a last gasp breath I love you
Washed up on distant shores

Sweet dreams play amongst the moon and stars

2008-02-26T21:42:00.000Z

I pull up and step out of the car, hot tyres and tired legs; sullen as the night is dark and help the little girl from the back seat to the ground. As she skips I see her look up towards the heavens and I stop and I ask her ‘can you see the stars?’

‘Yes’ she whispers.

And then she tells me she’s going to kiss them. And she jumps, and jumps, and she jumps blowing kisses in the wind; then she turns to me and smiles. And in that sweet moment I understand, and wish with all that's left of my cold damp heart:

That I could reach out and pluck her one from the sky; as she just did for me.

Going under

2008-01-29T17:43:00.000Z

At the hospital I’m wheeled into the room, two nurses and a doctor smile there anaesthetic smile. A sterile bed sits between two large monitor screens and Nurse Brunette pats the sheets which I then climb on to trying painfully to keep a scrap of dignity as my gown flaps comically at the back. Doctor Grey makes idle chit chat with Nurse Blonde who laughs a tired smile as she straps elastic to my arm and rubs a strong smelling wipe across my veins. I tell her I don’t like needles and without eye contact she tells me I’ll be fine; I don’t believe her. She tries to calm me by saying that the needle won’t be there for long, it’s simply so she can leave a plastic tube in my vein. Twice she fails to do it and I begin to panic, sweat beads upon my forehead and I feel sick. Nurse Brunette gets me a bowl whilst Doctor Grey tells me he hates needles too, I know he’s lying and I feel such a baby. He tries the needle in my left arm and this time Nurse Blonde holds my arm tight as the tube slides in; success.

I know I’ll be going under soon and for those few moments I feel the most utterly alone I have ever felt in my entire life. I want somebody to tell me they love me, somebody to hold my hand and tell me that I’ll be okay. A kiss upon my dry lips and the promise of more when I wake and as I drift I suddenly realise: that I’m not immortal and that men are weak. Voices and lights blur as I slide down, wish me sweet dreams beautiful one: but there’s no one there.

I slide, and I drift, and I dream...

I’m hanging on a concrete beam twelve inches wide, my arms stretched across the top, my fingers entwined left to right as if by glue. Below me is nothingness, dark clouds and firestorms and the distant rumble of thunder and flame. Above me there is a platform slightly out of reach with a dim green neon glow of an exit sign that I know means safety. To reach it I will have to unlock my fingers and push myself up until my knees are perched upon the beam, only then can I risk reaching out to pull myself up onto the platform. I know I’m getting weak and with each struggling second I become weaker still; yet I can’t release my hands. My brain understands the truth: to reach, to take the risk could lead to death or a future. My heart grips tight to the beam hoping that some miracle will come along to save me if I can just hold on for long enough.

And this is life, the warm love of tomorrow beside you or the cold steel of yesterday pressed hard against your temple. To fear the risk, too scared to reach out is of no greater risk than holding tight to gravity and all you have ever known. For both will get you in the end, my head screams to me and tells me to reach out for the platform and get the fuck out of there. My heart tells me to stay, to hope, to believe that all will be okay in the end.

But there is a third way. I look up once more at the exit, then down to the red and black below. If this was a movie the camera would zoom in for a close up as I look right into the lens close my eyes and smile, and then let go of the beam. As I fall wordless through the clouds I see lights and hear voices and I’m back on the bed with Nurse Blonde looking down at me. ‘Your blood pressure was rather low for a second’ she says ‘we were worried we might lose you’.

‘No’ I mumble ‘I almost lost myself’.

Bluebelle

2008-01-26T23:34:00.000Z

I wish I had got it right
Just once
Just once sweet dream because
I love you
And if I had
I would have been glad
To never wake up
And shine yellow buttercup sun
High above you